{You may have heard the expression "tortured artist" before. Ironically, it's usually the artist himself who catalyzes his own creative meltdown. Read on to learn what my "19th nervous breakdown" feels like...)
I've been producing more images in 2012 than ever before. I should feel happy about that. I don't.
The new work I've been creating feels extremely derivative of other people's artwork that the public deems to be "good." For example, I've been trying to produce contemplative pieces that directly express the true nature of the subject. But all I manage to do, it seems, is "ape" the work of other artists/practitioners who are trying to do exactly the same thing.
My desire to somehow impress the founders (and keepers of the flame) of contemplative photography is making the situation worse. I thought I'd figured out the "game": just submit work that looks as much like theirs as I can find. It backfired: the work was accepted, but I felt like a fraud. (Even though contemplative photography has become one of my main --and most authentic-- forms of meditation these days.)
Speaking of "feeling," I've been hankering to create something "unique" while still respecting the tenets of Contemplative Photography. I don't have an answer on how to accomplish that yet. No surprise there: I still barely understand the problem.
Whining and self-pity are counter-productive. Taking the camera out for some "visual brainstorming" is better to do. I've been revisiting the theme for which my work is recognized -- closeups, especially of flowers -- any trying to "push the envelope" further. I'm experimenting with compositions which are more abstract and exploring color choices which are less expected. I'm also embracing the bokeh.
Here's a shot I took only a few days ago to show you what I mean...
I haven't decided yet whether I like it. (That's a good thing, because it's means I succeeded in stepping out of my comfort zone.)
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